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de la adi - 2007-03-31
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1.-
Cancel your credit card before die
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual
service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.
Here is the exchange:
Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" (I really liked this part!!!!)
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Duh!) Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply."
(This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew."
(Lawyer info given)
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (Fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?
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email: 9
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de la seby - 2008-11-20
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2.-
cum fu
intr-o zi un chinez se duce la badea gheorghe si spune:
-eu stiu kung fu, si am venit sati fur oile!
tot asa in a doua zi, si a treia zi pana cand badea gheorghe enervat, ia toiagul si ii fute una intre picioare la chinez si spune :
-no,cum fu
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rating:
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email: 6
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de la adi - 2007-03-31
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3.-
Femeie in trafic
O femeie este oprita din trafic de un politist:
Politistul: Buna ziua.
Femeia: Buna ziua, ce s-a intamplat?
P: Ati depasit limita de viteza. Permisul dvs., va rog.
F: Vi l-as da, numai ca nu am asa ceva.
P: Nu aveti?!
F: L-am pierdut definitiv pentru conducere repetata in stare de ebrietate.
P: Aha... Imi aratati va rog actele masinii?
F: Nu pot.
P: De ce?
F: Am furat aceasta masina.
P: Ce-ati facut?!
F: Am furat masina si am ucis proprietarul.
P: Poftim?!!!
F: Daca nu ma credeti, cadavrul este in portbagaj..vreti sa il vedeti?
In acest moment politistul se retrage incet spre masina sa si cere ajutoare prin radio. In 5 minute sosesc la fata locului alte 5 masini de politie. Un ofiter superior se apropie de masina femeii cu pistolul pregatit.
Politistul 2: Doamna, va rog sa iesiti din masina!
Femeia iese din automobil.
F: S-a intamplat ceva, domnule?
P2: Unul dintre colegii mei mi-a spus ca ati furat aceasta masina si ca ati ucis proprietarul.
F: Am ucis proprietarul?
P2: Da.Va rog sa deschideti portbagajul.
Femeia deschide portbagajul, care este gol...
P2: Masina este a dvs., doamna?
F: Da. Poftiti actele ei.
Primul politist ramane perplex.
P2: Unul dintre colegii mei sustine ca nu aveti nici permis.
Femeia cauta in poseta, scoate un port-document si-l intinde politistului.
Aceste il deschide si studiaza permisul, care este in regula.
Tipul deja nu mai stie ce sa creada.
P2: Multumesc, doamna... Vedeti, colegul meu mi-a spus ca nu aveti permis, ca ati furat masina si i-ati ucis proprietarul!
F: Sunt convinsa ca mincinosul v-a spus si ca mergeam cu viteza!
Morala: Nu va puneti cu femeile.
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rating:
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email: 4
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de la adn - 2007-03-26
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4.-
Cine sunt eu?
Cine sunt eu? Sunt un obiect comun, placut ambelor sexe, normal cam de 18 centimetri, cu niste perisori mici la unul din capete si o gaura la celalalt. Cea mai mare parte a zilei stau culcata, dar sunt oricand gata de actiune. Cand sunt folosita, ma misc înainte si înapoi într-o gaura calda si umeda. Cand munca este terminata, ramane o spuma alba, stralucitoare si lipicioasa, apoi ma întorc la pozitia originala. De obicei, dupa aceea urmeaza o spalare. Cine sunt eu? Sunt periuta ta de dinti, ce credeai?
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rating:
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email: 4
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de la vio - 2007-03-31
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5.-
Ultima clipa
Pe patul de moarte sta intins un mos de 80 de ani,sot,tata,bunic,strabunic. I se apropie sfarsitul si de jur imprejurul patului sta toata familia:sotia,toti copiii si toti nepotii si cativa stranepoti.
Toti asteptau in liniste si deodata batranul se trezeste si spune:
-Trebuie sa va spun un secret mare! Aveam de toate:masini bune,femei frumoase,multi prieteni si un cont mare in banca.
Intr-o zi mi-a spus un prieten ca trebuie sa ma insor , ca sa am o famile ca altfel nu o sa aibe cine sa-mi dea un pahar cu apa pe patul mortii.
Ei si asa m-am insurat si viata mea s-a schimbat radical.In loc sa merg la discoteca cu femei..stau acasa si ma uit la seriale ,cu sotia.
Masina o folosesc doar ca sa duc si aduc copiii de la scoala si sa mergem impreuna in concediu,la mare.
Toti bani din banca s-au dus pe scolile voastre .Zilele frumoase si libertatea mea...le-a luat vantul!
Si acum cand stau intins si astept la moarte stiti ce e cel mai rau din toate?
-Ce,dragul noastru tata?il intreaba cu totii
-Nu mi-e sete!
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email: 2
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